MrShineyhead's Travels:
Deaf Dog in the Park | State Fair | MrWildWildWest | Gone Fishin' | The Pirate | Me Here!

Tales in The Dark:
The Mountain Lion | Ice Lake | Civil War | Lorelei | The Goblins

With a special ASL translation of:
The Star-Spangled Banner

Gone Fishin'

As the sun rose over the tiny village in which I lived, I reached over and hit my vibrating and flashing alarm clock. It was 5 AM! Usually, I wouldn’t be caught dead up at this hour, but for a good day of fishing I would even get up at 5:00 AM. I was super excited as I prepared for my day of fishing, despite the fact that I was going with a guy who was somewhat of a pompous ass. However, this was a fishing trip, and I wasn’t about to let him stand in my way!

I readied myself for the day by layering on the clothes, warm pants, an undershirt, another warm shirt, a light jacket, and then a heavy jacket. Soon, I could barely move for all the clothes, and I was starting to sweat! Maybe I could stand a little less clothing. So, I removed a couple of layers.

Now comfortable, I waited for my coffee to brew, and once it was ready, I poured it, hot and steamy into my thermos. Next, it was time to prepare my tackle box.  In it I checked to make sure I had hooks, lures, fake worms and the like, and then grabbed my fishing pole.

I was now ready to hit the road!  I put my thermos under my arm, grabbed my pole and tackle box, and began to leave. Then I remembered I needed my fishing hat. After retrieving my hat and other gear, I set off on my fishing excursion. With all the gear in hand, I had a heck of a time opening and closing the front door, but eventually I managed to do it after holding my tackle box between my knees and edging out the door. I was ready to go!

But where was my friend? He was late and nowhere to be found!  So, I hung out in front of my house, and 15 minutes later I saw his truck driving up. From a great distance I could see my friend kickin’ up the dust in his ridiculous, redneck, jacked up pickup truck. As he pulled up, I could see him chewing his gum, smiling away.

I glowered at him as I approached the pickup – the nerve of this guy being late for fishing!! Whatever. I gathered up my gear and approached the door of the pickup – the door that stood 3 feet higher than my head.  How was I supposed to get into this thing? I stowed my thermos, tackle box, and pole in the bed of the truck and began my ascent into the cab. As I opened the door, my friend motioned me in, “C’mon up buddy, let’s go!” I vaulted my way into the cab, made it into the front seat, and closed the door.

Whack, my friend smacked me in the arm, “Hey man! Ready for some fishin’?” he crowed, laughing. “Uhh, yeah, I’m ready,” I replied. Resignedly, I rolled down my window and rested my head on my hand. Whew! We were off. 

My friend tore off, leaving a trail of dust in his wake, the ever present gum in his mouth like a cow chewing its cud. What a jackass.

The antics began almost immediately, “Hey, buddy,” my friend said, punching me in the shoulder again, “You know that any fish I catch is going to be 10 times bigger than whatever you catch,” and with that he slapped his beer belly and took off down the road.

After more than an hour of driving through the tranquil forest bordered by the soaring mountains, we pulled up to the pristine, sparkling blue lake: our fishing hole. My friend jumped down from the driver’s seat, grabbed his fishing gear, and started off, “C’mon already!” he shouted back at me.

I jumped down from my perilous perch, stuck the landing, and grabbed my gear, toddling off after my gigantic, Neanderthal friend.  This guy was really a piece of work.

As we approached the lakeshore, my friend claimed a prime spot for himself and then shooed me off to a spot further down the shore.  Begrudgingly, I settled in to my remote spot.

My friend then proceeded to take out a gigantic fishing rod, which kind of makes you wonder what he was compensating for, baited it, and then cast out his line. The line sailed out over the lake for what seemed like hours, as my friend laughed and guffawed, before the bait sank below the surface of the lake with a plop. I cast my line out, which landed about three feet away. Nice.

Unbelievable!  As my friend stood there tending his pole, he noticed the end of the pole begin to twitch. Once, twice, and finally it bent low toward the water. “Fish on!!” he shouted to me as he kicked me in the leg. My friend fought the fish with a vengeance, the fish bucking and fighting as it broke the surface of the water and then re-submerged. After several minutes, he landed the fish – a nice specimen over three feet long. He hooked the fish to his stringer that dangled in the water.

Looking over at me, gloating he said, “Hey man, that’s one for me and ZERO for you!” He chortled unceasingly. Once again, he cast out his line, commenting on the glorious day as the line sailed out over the lake. His bait broke the surface of the lake and sank down into the water.

Seething, I turned away from my friend.  I couldn’t WAIT for this day to end! As my friend anchored his pole in his pole holder, he noticed a shiny crisp apple lying on the ground nearby. Wondering where it had come from, since there were no apple trees nearby, he picked up the apple from the ground.

Turning to me, my friend offered me the apple, and as I reached out to take it he pulled it away, “Psych!” he said as he spit on the apple and polished it off on his shirt.  What a jerk!

As he took a bite of the apple he said, “Wow! This is a fantastic apple.  It tastes great!” Showing off, he took a few more bites and enjoyed the delicious taste.  Suddenly, after a final bite, my friend jolted forward. Stunned, he grabbed at his face, desperate to find out what was going on!

As he groped at his face, he realized that he had a hook lodged in the roof of his mouth, and from it snaked a long trail of fishing line, which ran from his mouth all the way out to beneath the surface of the water.

I looked over, shocked at what I saw! My friend began to struggle against the pull of the hook in his mouth. He fought against the force that pulled him toward the lake little by little. Soon, he was overcome with the power of the pull coming from underwater.  Kicking and screaming he was pulled underwater until he disappeared.

Underneath the water, lurked a gigantic fish who controlled the pole that had hooked my friend. His gills worked furiously as he fought against the weight of my friend. His pole bucked and thrashed as he worked to land his catch. Finally, he stood proudly holding his human trophy!

Above the water, I surveyed the scene. The lake stood like mirrored glass, with not a hint of what had just transpired evident on its surface. Below the water, the giant fish re-baited his hook with another apple and cast it up onto the shore. It landed next to me, and I scooted away quickly. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!